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Jan. 5th, 2011

(no subject)


Dec. 1st, 2010

(no subject)

Jul. 7th, 2010


This season is done at least for a while.
Come visit me here
we'll hang out and make the world a more lovely place. ok?
see you there!

Dec. 1st, 2009

(no subject)

My Grandma died a year ago today. A whole year. And how things have changed, and how they have stayed the same. And how today, thinking of her and thinking of life and of friends and family and a cold radiator... I just feel a little lonely.
And how I've made so many mistakes and how nothing is ever smooth. And everything is fleeting. And I miss her and her funny ways. And I miss so many things. Oh I miss so many things. Maybe if I keep running I can find them? Maybe not.


Oct. 29th, 2009

(no subject)

 Remember when having chubby legs in colourful tights were ridiculously adorable? Instead of just ridiculous?

Oct. 28th, 2009


 Sometimes at my job my heart just breaks... 
These people, oh these people. They have seen things you can't imagine. They have felt things you've only had nightmares about. Their families have been torn and lost and destroyed. 
And when our government goes to other countries, handpicks people from refugee camps and brings them to Canada, they are rejoicing. They are saved. They are safe. There is a new and better life for them in Canada. 
And then once they are here for a few years, surviving, settling, getting acclimated... the government that promised them safety turns their backs...
Somedays, when there's no where else to turn, they come to us. And we blunder and flounder but, god, we try...
I just don't understand how we can take people out of a traumatic situation, away from everything they know, put them in a new area and then neglect to look after them. So much so that they're cradling babies in dark cars, trying to keep warm, trying to keep safe, trying to keep alive. 

Oct. 15th, 2009

(no subject)

 My mom gave me a birthday card yesterday. It was from my grandma. My grandma who died last December. My parents found it in with all her stuff. She was so organized that she had purchased and set aside a card just for me. 
And it was sweet and heart-warming. But it was also really sad too. There will never be another. There will never be her precise printing on something for me. And I miss her and her funny ways. And I hope she's happy with grandpa and Glenn wherever they are. And I hope they're proud of me...

Oct. 11th, 2009

Building quilts

On Thanksgiving I'm thankfully thinking of all the people and places and experiences I've had. Good or bad. Near or far. Sad or happy. Here or lost. You belong to the quilt of my life. You've kept me warm and cozy. You've made me who I am today. And for that I am grateful. Always.

Aug. 26th, 2009

(no subject)

you know those days when you just think "if I could go home and curl up in bed and have a cry. And then maybe have someone to bring me tea and give me hugs... maybe then everything would be ok and I would feel much better"
That is the kind of day today.
It's not even 9am and am not sure how I'm going to make it through.

Aug. 22nd, 2009

You're pretty but why aren't you married? why?

 The other day I got the marriage question again. Maybe I get it more than most because everyday I speak to people who are from cultures who don't understand that marriage is not necessarily the best for everyone. I keep getting these people saying "why aren't you married? but you should have a husband. It's better with a husband. You should get married. Well you must have a boyfriend. Don't you have a boyfriend who loves you?"
And to explain to people that no, in fact, I don't have a husband and horror or horrors I don't even have a boyfriend... Well it's just really hard to explain and it really makes me question my life. I mean, right now I'm happier than I've been in the last 1.5 years. But as soon as I have to explain that actually I'm alone in the world and do not have a man to love and take care of me... It just makes me feel that all the things that I've done on my own has been for not. I'm proud of what I've done. I don't really want to be married. And I know they mean well but honestly I don't go to work to be reminded that am hideous and undateable... even if that's not really true. I've asked around to my friends and apparently they don't get asked this question at least once a month. I just don't know how to respond without making them feel badly for asking or myself feel like a pathetic loser... you know?

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